A couple of items in the news recently have really drawn my attention with respect to demeanor in the workplace. We all like to assume that everyone will play nice all the time. That’s just not the case in the world of business. Additionally, proper workplace demeanor isn’t just about being nice. It’s also about being considerate of those working around you.

Two nasty examples of the consequences of poor workplace demeanor have occurred over the last month. First of all, well known television news commentator Bill O’Reilly was accused by a female employee of sexual harassment via suggestive comments that made the woman feel uncomfortable. A couple of days ago, a pro basketball player named Ron Artest decided to take on the crowd in a Detroit arena using his fists. Both cases are very relevant examples of the mistakes people commonly make in the workplace.

In the O’Reilly incident, it seems that Mr. O’Reilly spent an inordinate amount of time with his subordinate outside of the workplace. His subordinate’s charges stemmed from incidents that occurred during these outside get togethers. Without placing any blame I can tell you that this type of outside the workplace interaction is risky between subordinates and those in charge. After all, any appearance of impropriety is potentially damaging to both parties, especially when one of those parties is married, as Mr. O’Reilly is. The bottom line is that both the subordinate and the boss should understand the need to limit one to one interactions outside the office. People who ignore this advice are exposed to charges of favoritism or even infidelity. Guilty or not, perception is reality in the work place.

Mr. O’Reilly’s second mistake involved his tone of discussion in these private meetings. It sounds like he got a bit too relaxed and spoke to his female subordinate as if he was talking to one of the guys. His language was salty and the topics sometimes included talk of sex. This type of discussion is never a good idea. No matter how friendly or comfortable you are with someone in the workplace you should not indulge in personal topics, even at social events. Sure, you can be friendly at after work events and talk about topics of the day in a casual manner. But remember who you’re talking to. The things that you say could be repeated all over the workplace, creating a very uncomfortable situation for all parties involved. The bottom line is that you should keep it friendly and cordial while avoiding hot button topics like sex, religion or politics. And for heavens sake, don’t get drunk in front of your co-workers. I guarantee that EVERYONE will talk about that the next day.

Then there is Mr. Artest. After being involved in an on court altercation he was doused with a cup of beer tossed from the stands. He proceeded to enter the stands and attack anyone in sight. The insuing melee was ugly and will be spoken of for decades in professional sports circles. Now I know that none of us are likely to throw punches at work, but there is a real lesson here.

You must keep your composure in all business situations.

Whether you’re an employer or an employee. Whether you work in a corporation or a small business. You will be dealing with people, some of whom will get you very upset. Even if you don’t get upset there will be people who act poorly around you. This is another wrong answer. You absolutely cannot let your emotions get the best of you in the world of business. People will lose respect for you and the results will be absolutely toxic.

As an officer in the Army I had a higher ranking officer go crazy over noise from a laundry machine of all things. He confronted me and became very abusive. I kept my cool and let him vent his anger. He went so crazy that someone else in the area called the military police. After talking to this maniac for thirty seconds the MPs knew he was crazy. They talked him into not pressing charges against me and all was forgotten. When word of the incident got around the base, this officer became a butt of many jokes. He lost his cool and it cost him respect.

So what do I mean by “losing your cool?” Screaming (think Howard Dean), pointing or making aggressive movements at other people, making threats or calling people names are some typical examples of how people let their emotions take over in business situations. Even more subtle reactions like just raising your voice above a normal level can let people know that you’re losing it.

Keep your cool in the workplace. The people who interact with you will respect a solid and calm approach to managing situations. Yes, you will deal with people who lose their cool. Don’t react to them. Don’t let them get you flustered. Keep your cool and you will get the respect in the end.

Mr. Artest has been handed down a suspension for the rest of the year which will cost him several million dollars. I’m sure he’ll be back, as NBA teams seem to be very forgiving when star players are involved. Business people aren’t so forgiving and you will likely suffer a lot more than a pro sports player if you lose your cool. Mr. O’Reilly has been forced to pay a multi-million dollar settlement to his subordinate.

Remember to think about the situations you’re in with business associates and conduct yourself appropriately. Doing so will insure that you’re valued for the merits of your work and not the exciting stories that people tell about you around the water cooler.